martinis are gay … ?

I have known a friend, let’s call him Water-Tiger, for 8 years already and we haven’t been able to hang out for maybe two years. It’s just one of those adult things. As you age, your coworkers become your friends, and others just… slowly fade into your past.

Anyway, as the man of the relationship, Water-Tiger asks me for a date on Friday and I gladly accept. So we meet at the usual spot at the intersection near K-Town of NYC, give each other a nice warm bro hug, routinely take out our cigarettes and quietly smoke one.

Shit bro. don’t blow it at my face. What the fuck. You’re still the same.

I apologize and enter one of those Korean restaurants, have some nice drinks and food, catching up with all the stories we had to share. Interesting as always.

We exit the restaurant, as our business there was done.

Full; Not too drunk, not too sober.

Then I remembered this bar I visited the other day. It’s a cozy ambient jazz bar hiding behind a hotel. We decide to check it out, and were seated to a corner of the bar.

by the window, small round table with candlelight between us. Sweet.

Cute waitress comes over.

Would you like to order your drinks?

Water-Tiger orders. “Two Lychee Martinis, please.”

Cute waitress quickly glimpses us. “All right, I’ll have it ready shortly.” Walks away. Is this bitch judging us right now?

I challenge the waitress’s behavior by instinctively hollering at the waitress. “We are not gay.”

She looks over and gives me a what-the-fuck face, and continues to walk off.

Water-Tiger slaps me (literally) in the face and asks me why I did that. I give him excuses. “I don’t really know man. I’m drunk. I don’t give a shit. I like martini. You like martini. She’s judging.”

He responded that Martinis are not exactly gay. James Bond enjoys it, there’s enough vodka in it to fuck you up. It’s no drink for sissies.

I tried to argue back…

But I don’t fucking drink vodk – DOESN’T MATTER. YOU ARE BEING IDIOTIC.

So the man of the relationship wins. I’m like okay.. whatever… and we enjoyed the Lychee Martini. They were good.

So I have been wondering for a while. Who the fuck made me think that Martinis are for gay people? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it being gay, or with it being a gay drink, I’m just saying, how did this … get into my head? I’ll never know.


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